Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Resolve to know more...

It is RESOLVE's Infertility Awareness Week.  I hate that word - infertility.  It sounds so final, like barren or childless or 'why did you choose not to have children?' (a question I was asked when I was 31 and trying).  My New Year's resolution of 2014 was to strike infertility from how I describe myself, for the most part it has worked.  I use 'fertility challenges or challenged', because hopefully someday I won't be struggling, even if having children looks different from how I think it will look now.  I will always have the baby I was meant to have.  Though I should admit this mostly positive outlook comes after a year and a half of therapy.

This is RESOLVE's awareness week and even though I am posting here I do wonder who they expect to spread the awareness.  I am very open and have a 'close' group of friend with whom almost everything is shared, but even I am not going to go around my office and chat about infertility awareness.  I even have a hard time impressing "infertility awareness" on friends, most of whom have easily conceived even in their early 30s judging on the amount of babies in my facebook feed.  Only 1% of women have premature ovarian failure in their 30s, even less in their 20s, and while I don't know precisely when it developed I do know that I am in a tiny group.  There is only a tiny group of us that would start trying to have a baby at 30 and not ultimately be successful. 

I do wish celebrity culture would be more honest about it.  Today in a People there was a birth announcement for (one of) the Helmsworth wife (age, 37) who had twin babies.  This, of course, could have been natural, but there are so many twins in Hollywood, almost like there is assisted reproductive technology being used (haha).  I don't begrudge them the use - I welcome it!  But I do wish there was more honesty about how difficult it can be to have children in your 30s or early 40s.  There isn't a lot of time to fix problems if you start that late, which doesn't seem 'late' to you until you have an issue.  Your fertility naturally begins to decline at 27.

I only ever did one facebook posting to my friends about trying to have babies later in life.  I said something about not waiting to try until you were 40 and not to expect it to be easy if you do wait.  The most insensitive comment I got back (granted, from "friends" who don't know what I am going through) was 'I'd just adopt'.  Like it's simple, easy and without pain and enormous expense, when honestly it is a similar cost and more successful (more likely to end up with baby) to do donated eggs.  Huh, maybe I'll do a facebook posting again, so I can relieve my aggression by yelling at my "insensitive" friends.  That's sounds like a solid plan and a good way to trim my friend's list...!

And just in case you are interested:
  • http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
  • http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)
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