Wednesday, May 21, 2014

5 Helpful "Rules" for Acupuncture

For your benefit, because I've broken all of these.

#1: Don't itch. 

Because you can't, because there are probably needles in your arm/hand.  If there aren't needles then feel free to itch, but don't itch where there are other needles. 

#2 Don't wait to go pee.

Because you'll end up with needles in and all you'll want to do is pee.  There is nothing more annoying!  Especially if you are listening to 'ocean' or 'river' sounds during your 45 minute treatment.

#3 When in doubt always get heat.

Yes, you want the bed on and yes, you want the heat lamp on your feet/stomach.  Don't deny it!  It's terrible to be cold and alone in your acupuncture room.  All you can dream about is having a blanket, which you can't have because (again) needles. 

#4 Don't yell for help.

Because it's disconcerting to those who are in rooms next to you.  And it makes your acupuncturist nervous... actually those are two good reasons to go for it.  Honestly, I've never yelled quite loud enough because I can never decide if it's a good idea or not so I 'half commit' on the yelling.

#5 Don't panic when she hooks you up to tiny batteries.

It's called 'electro-shock therapy'... haha, it's actually called electroacupuncture and it's awesome.  It increases the blood flow a lot.  Last time I could even feel my heart beating through my entire body, like how you feel when someone scares the shit out of you, but calmer and nicer. 

I was going to take a picture of the electoacupuncture for you, but the acupuncturist did it to my back (I was laying on my stomach) and I couldn't bring myself to ask her to take a picture (I'm normally rather shy), so instead here's a picture of the seaweed she told me to eat because it's good for my thyroid.

She's probably figured out that I am drinking more cream in my tea than I said I was... this is probably punishment.

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