Saturday, May 31, 2014

Honest Discussions

I saw the doctor on Friday and he was also disappointed about the outcome of my cycle.  Apparently all my eggs were graded 'Fair' (on a scale of good/fair/poor) before ICSI.  However, none of them fertilized.  As I said in an earlier post, it was so shocking because last IVF I had all 3 fertilize though one didn't divide further.  I wasn't sure the oocytes would make it to blast stage, but I wasn't expecting nothing either.

My RE isn't opposed to doing another IVF, but he does think that donated eggs will offer the best outcome for me.  Hubster and I had an honest talk about it and the choice is firmly mine.  He doesn't like me to make any decision based solely on money, but if I am honest with myself I do think I am done with this part of the journey.  How can I keep putting myself out there over and over again?  I think I may be ready for the next path, even as a small part of me wonders 'what if next time is the magical time of all dreams coming true?'.

I am being placed on a small dose of thyroid medication.  I have a 'grey area' range (TSH 2.63) with no antibodies, but it's a range where they would test immediately upon pregnancy and my RE does believe I will need the medication during pregnancy.  It's better to start it now and get used to the medication than to have to start it later or risk a miscarriage.  Every woman in my mom's family (mom, grandmother, great-aunt) has had to be on it eventually, and it's a little sad I wouldn't be passing it onto my child.  Also my risk for alcoholism, schizophrenia, dementia, glaucoma, and panic disorder (I do not have these, clearly then I would be a total crazy person and no one should give me a baby anyway).

I figure I will hash this out with my counselor on Wednesday.  I don't want to make a huge choice by myself.  In the meantime I am working up the courage to go back to hot yoga next week.  Eeek!

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