Monday, May 26, 2014

Scrubbing my Pain Away

I mean that literally, not figuratively.   I am going to scrub my house from top to bottom!  I don't have to worry about crazy chemicals anymore because this baby is not going to come from me.  I'll worry about it when I am actually pregnant, like normal people do.

To whit, I have suffered a long time looking at terrible hard water stains in my toilets.  I've tried various hard chemicals, but none recently since I'm worried about the effects.  We have family coming out in August though and I desperately didn't want them looking at the terrible stains.  It looks like I don't know how to clean even though these stains were in place when I moved into my house, but I'm sure they haven't gotten better in the intervening 8 years.  I broke down and bought a pumice stone, I was very scared it would scrape my porcelain, but it says right on the package that it is safe.  You have to make sure both surfaces are wet, and it works beautifully:
I am so excited it worked!  It's the little things that I can control that make me feel better.

I did google 'dengenerated eggs' today and found that it is all about egg quality.  But it can be something that happens with ICSI too, so now maybe if I hadn't pursued ICSI that I'd have fertilized, non-degenerated eggs?  I'm sure my doctor will tell me whether that's right or not. 

I am so nervous about pursuing egg donation.  I'm conflicted, do I have any right to bring a life into existence when I am not biologically related?  I wish I had a sister, maybe then I'd feel like it was my right.  I worry about autism, etc, what if?  Will I still love my child?  Will it be more terrible than if he or she was related to me?  Will I have a strong urge to abandon family because it's been too hard?  Things I will work through with a trained professional.

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