Monday, June 9, 2014


Now even my horoscope is fucking with me:

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21): Sagittarius, with Jupiter spending so much time in Cancer, it’s no surprise your mind has been on the home: how to create it, how to better it. Well, I’ve been reading Joan Didion’s The Year Of Magical Thinking, and here is a piece of wisdom within it: "We are not idealized wild things. We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we are no longer. As we will one day not be at all." As the summer unfolds, I see big changes coming up for you, Sagittarius, but I’m not worried. At your core, you know what it means to strive with integrity toward your deepest desires. Even if you make a wrong choice here or there, even if—at this moment—you can’t claim to be 100% sure: if you can move away from mourning whatever version of yourself are leaving behind and commit towards this moment, you will be exactly where you should. Your home will be more than enough, wherever you make it.
Screw you horoscope and your incredible demands on my life.  'Stop mourning' my ass, like it's easy.  But it did kind of validate how I'm feeling and is really strangely on target.  I am not one for horoscopes, I usually laugh at them and see the transparency of their 'advice' or 'predictions'.
In other news I am feeling very sad this week.  It's strange, it was about a week of screaming pain after fertilization failed, then a week of peaceful acceptance, and now it's not screaming pain, but a deep ache that I can't really define.  I want to move on to my next step, but I know that I need to release a lot of these feelings.  I am hoping to schedule my first appointments for the donor egg process in the next month.  I hope that I am giving myself enough time to work through some of the grief. 
I am going to make a green smoothie today and see if I can drink it.  I am putting only things I like it in!  However, it's a lot of non-similar ingredients and so I am not sure how the taste will end up.  Eek!

No comments:

Post a Comment