Tuesday, August 5, 2014


It's another reason (I assume) I'll be a great mom! 

What follows is a foolproof way to improve a child's appreciation of life that I will probably follow in a small ways.  It cannot be done with a smidgen of abuse.  I've taken some time to describe the abuses I suffered as a child, it is not for the faint of heart!

One: restrict all drinks to the non-caffeinated kind.  Now I was raised in a business with free, unsupervised access to a soda machine until I was 8 and I remember making "suicides".  However, in general I was not allowed Coke or Pepsi, much less Mt Dew or Jolt. 

Two: do not allow excessive TV watching, instead force reading and outside playing.  Whenever possible watch your own TV shows forcing your children to amuse themselves or watch MASH, don't worry, they won't get the 'hot lips' reference.  My mother took it even further and got rid of our TV when I was 8, we did have it for a brief period when I was in 7th grade (ah how I loved, Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman) and she permanently got another one right before I graduated high school.  In civics class we were assigned to watch the news every night and I had to ask for special permission to "just" read the paper.  My teacher was shocked about my lack of TV, to my amusement.

Three: don't allow chocolate.  My mother is allergic, so we didn't have chocolate much until I was 12.  This was so abusive that even friends agree:
This was after the friend had offered me carob.  I refused, blech!

I hope that you have new ideas on how to torture your own children...with love and a goal on having them appreciate life and live it to the fullest!  The only part of this that I will for sure follow (and therefore will make me a great mom) is the restriction on caffeine and TV, because children full of caffeine and sugar sounds like no fun at all.   Also, I love chocolate and there's no way I'm giving it up...maybe I'll ban my children from having it so that I can have all the chocolate!!

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