Monday, September 1, 2014

BC: Seven Things

I will be trying to do a blog challenge for September, I'm going to pick four topics and do one a week in addition to my other posts.  I will title all of these with a "BC" for blog challenge and (other than this one or another super interesting one) will not promote it on twitter, so you'll have to check back every day if you are interested. 

Day 1: Let's start off kind of easy.  List 7 things about yourself so we can get to know you better.

1. I am an aunt! After my sister-in-law had her youngest she was talking about wanting a girl.  I sent her a link to one of those plans where you have sex at a specific times in your cycle and eat certain foods to try to conceive a girl.  She complained it was too much work (she conceived easily and is my age) and I wanted to slap her and that was even before any "hard core" infertility treatments. 

2.  My math GPA in high school was 1.9 and in college I only took Statistics and Business Math.  I (currently) am responsible for a million dollar bi-weekly payroll.  That's not terrifying...

3. I have panic disorder, but it has been under "control" for 5 years.  I worry that it will resurge post partum, but I guess that's a bridge to cross if it happens (when I have a baby).  It also can exhaust adrenal glands and I do wonder if my 6 month un-medicated struggle caused my infertility.  I did get an antidepressant after 6 months, I stayed on them for 9 months (I couldn't orgasm on it and that drove DH crazy), then switched to the natural 5HPT, which I stopped a month before I started TTC. 

4.  I received an award for "sweetest spirit" in fifth grade and was very offended.  Can't you see how tough I am! I am not sweet!  I am still told I am sweet and as a young adult was often told I was "innocent", as in hadn't seen a lot of the which point I described how my father was killed and then asked if they still found me innocent.  They usually didn't. 

5.  I always wondered about the "peer pressure" to do drugs.  Honestly all my druggie friends in high school didn't really want to share expensive illegal drugs.  I was only ever interested in doing LSD, but didn't like the side effect of possibly being crazy the rest of your life.  I have never done an illegal substance... unless you count smoking a Cuban cigar in America, which technically it is.

6.  I had childhood PTSD, which is different than adult PTSD, and when I sent my mom the list of symptoms she said "you didn't throw temper tantrums", so I didn't have one symptom out of six.  I remember having (what I now know are) flashbacks, I would hear a voice screaming in my head saying terrible things and curse words.  I had an uncle who was schizophrenic and was ostracized from the family, when I asked what it was I was told "he heard voices" (which is a totally appropriate explanation for a child), therefore I didn't tell my mother about the voice since I was sure I would also be thrown out of the family.  (He was not thrown out of the family only for having schizophrenia, but it's a long story.)

7.  I lost my virginity while black-out drunk to a boyfriend I had tried to break up with 3 months earlier.  He declined to be broken up, saying I was watching too much Friends and life wasn't really like that, and I decided to tough it out until graduation (we were in our last college semester).  He drove me home from a party where we were supposed to stay overnight with lots of friends, hence the reason I drank so much, and I don't remember any of it.  I know I didn't say no, but that doesn't make it right.  I felt pressure to continue doing it, but in another 6 months of dating only did twice, one of those ended because I couldn't stop crying. 

That ended up being more depressing that I thought it would be.  Maybe I was supposed to share things like 'I like coke' and 'Ted Gunn is right, yellow does make everybody look like a sallow mess'.  Hopefully you know me a little bit better now, also maybe infertility isn't the worst thing that's happened to me?  Wait that's not true: I feel like God should have given me one damn easy thing that "everybody" else gets.

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