Monday, October 20, 2014

Going Forward

I had a whole explanation of how this cycle had caused my panic attack, but basically it's like the clinic stripped me naked of all my security blankets, pumped me full of hormones, and I was surprised it resulted in a breakdown.  I can't wait until I get my supplements (D3, Omega-3, CoQ10) back.

So, last week was actually quite busy before that happened.  I had gone out with a friend for dinner on Wednesday and we went shopping at Sephora.  I am such a sucker for high quality cosmetics.  I had tried a fantastic new skin primer by Hourglass (psst, some of their products are also gluten free) and I loved it.  I needed to buy some more and I wanted to try their Skin Tint.  I was very excited by my purchases and so very disappointed when I came home to look up the tint on EWC.org.  One of the active ingredients is a 6, it's a sunscreen (disappointing because I hate wearing sunscreens) and it has been found in some studies to bio accumulate.  Which is unacceptable for a high end brand.  I am still trying to decide whether to try it, since the data it was based on is 'limited', or just return it and buy another foundation.  I'd still like to go with that brand, but I'd research all the ingredients beforehand this time.  (It's still better than Tarte, which I gave up on after I had used their tinted moisturizer only to find out it has an ingredient that's a 9.  A 9!  I do not want to die from cosmetic use, thank you.)

Also I had an adjustment by my chiropractor.  I was all anxious when I was there because I was in a hurry to get to the aforementioned dinner.  It was taking for-ev-er for him to get to me (probably like 5 extra minutes) and after the adjustment I hopped up off the bed.  And quickly gasped in pain while grabbing the wall for support...  I had gone in because my upper back was in a bit of pain from all the filing I had done at work (bonus points for new boss!), but it was my lower back that was spasming*.  He grabbed the little vibrator-thing and got it to relax a bit.  I walked around the room as well to try and get it loose.  I was a little accusatory and he was like "well you do have a disc problem in your lower back".  To which I pointed out it never causes me a problem!  (One of my lower discs is down to an 8 when it would be most comfy at a 12).  My lower back was quite painful when he adjusted it, so I know I wasn't registering the pain occurring before.  Now I'm a little nervous, when I get pregnant how will my body react to carrying?  How will it react to an epidural?  I don't want a natural birth!!!  Ok, I might be ok with a natural birth, but I was hoping to have options.  Why do I always want options?  Shit, by now I should know I'm never going to get them. 

Ok, I'm not seriously worrying about that now, but it is a concern for when I am birth plan prepping.  I still seriously want to hire a doula to help me too.  My counselor is going to give me questions to screen an OB too, but she will also give me all the right answers.  I'm pretty decided against getting a Doppler, it sounds like it can be hard to find the heartbeat and I don't need that stress.  I'm getting ahead of myself because...

Today (I wrote most of this earlier and am updating this in the parking lot of my clinic) the ultrasound showed a lining of 8.5 with textbook trilayers! So happy, we are waiting the estrogen result, but it needs to be above 150 or higher than last week.  Since last week I was 310 I am hoping it won't be a problem!!!

I had cramps for the past few days and a tiny bit of spotting (I think due to constipation) and all that stress last week, but I kept my mind on the goal of a thick lining and it worked out!  I am excited and nervous and nervous....and really nervous.  Time to get pregnant with another person's baby!  I mean MY BABY, because I'm going to grow an amazing one.

*apparently "spasming" is not a word.  How is that right?  You all know what I mean.
**all opinions about cosmetics are my own.

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