Wednesday, October 29, 2014

TWW PTSD

I had an appointment with my counselor yesterday and we discussed how I've been feeling during the two week wait.  It's been a little hard for me this time.  I've felt worried or sad about getting mad at my DH and having to give myself a shot in the leg. 

What I figured it is that I have PTSD (the imaginary kind, not the actual real kind) to my other two week wait after embryo transfer.  I was convinced I was pregnant by the day of the pregnancy test (I don't pee on a stick).  When I found out I wasn't it was very ... traumatic.  It was shock and I immediately began sobbing. 

Of course, I have spent a lot of time symptom spotting during two week waits.  The result after 4 years worth is that you've had every conceivable symptom to indicate pregnancy, and none of them have actually been a pregnancy.  It's hard to spot a symptom now and think it's a positive sign. I often think 'but I had that last time', and then think it couldn't possibly be a real sign. 

With my counselor's help I remembered that I have no regrets about how I handled past cycles.  I've been positive and it didn't work out, but that's ok.  Being positive doesn't make it hurt more at the end, and I can't spent the whole next week grieving what might not need to be grieved.

In other news I did give myself a shot of progesterone in the leg tonight!  I was worried about the stabbing motion, but it went through the skin very quickly (I did ice beforehand) and the hardest part was pushing in the oil (because it's so thick!). 
Needle, after it was removed from my leg.
Tomorrow is another day at the conference.  Hopefully I won't shove my foot deeper into my mouth with my boss.  Nothing is safe from my powers of disclosure, unless it's that I'm PUPO.  That's locked in a vault.

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