Saturday, November 8, 2014

Passing Out

Today I had a dentist appointment.  I was initially worried about going to the dentist but the clinic (and clinic literature) insists it is totally safe and very recommended.  Since it's my fall appointment I would normally have x-rays, but for very obvious reason I didn't want those.  I told my hygienist (in sworn secrecy) and she then said she wasn't going to do them for me anyway since I never have issues and the doctor wasn't in.  I sortof wish I hadn't opened my big mouth now...

The truth is I feel that I've told 'everybody'.  My mom, my counselor, my 4 closest friends who have been with me through all the treatments, and the twitter-ati.  I suppose in no way is that 'everyone', and all those who have been told know how fleeting a BFP could be and know all the future hurdles.  With maybe the exception of my mom, she wants to do a picture with all our hands on my tummy at Thanksgiving.  Not sure how I feel about that, but if I've heard the heartbeats by then it might be ok.

Back to the dentist: DH and I had appointments at 11am and then the stepkids had an appointment at 12pm.  Their mother brought them and once the kids went back with the hygienists proceeded to tell us all her physical ails.  Some of you may remember she had a pulmonary embolism a while back, so she is on blood thinners, but her GYN believes she may have stage 1 cancer and needs a hysterectomy and they'll need to have blood on standby because she's on blood thinners.  As she's talking I am thinking that I don't need to be hearing this and usually DH doesn't share these types of issues because 1) she's hyper-dramatic (she's told us before that something may be cancer) and 2) he knows I worry.  Then I started getting lightheaded, and I immediately sat down.  That alleviated the symptoms slightly and I thought I could make it to the car.  I tried to excuse myself - I don't remember what I said, but according to DH it wasn't very appropriate.  I walked into the hallway and after about 5 steps my eyes started going dark.  I have a lot of experience with fainting from when I was younger, so I thought I could still make it if I just leaned against the wall.

The next thing I remember is DH calling my name, he asked if I could make it to the car and I still thought I could, but then I passed out again just outside the exit door.  After I woke up again and made it to the car, popped open some water and listened to DH lecture me.  He lectures when he gets really worried or nervous, but it wasn't something I could control.  I texted my counselor, she mentioned it could happen to some pregnant ladies, and I called the clinic and they were also not worried and told me to keep hydrated.  The clinic even said if it kept happening they would want to know but would refer me to my primary care... I will touch base with my primary care nurse at the clinic on Monday. 

I feel much better now, still feeling lightheaded, same symptoms as I've been having.  Blood pressure goes up when you get pregnant and I've had normal blood pressure for several years, when I was younger I had low blood pressure which I why I've had experience passing out.  I am working hard at being calm and not worrying about her, but still I wish I didn't know.  It might seems silly that I get so worried, but things I can't control worry me.  Although I can't control this pregnancy and I am too exhausted to worry too much about that.  Que Sera Sera. 

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