Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Infertility Wounds

By now I've told a whole bunch of people about the triplets.  Part of this is because I was never very silent about my infertility and many of my friends will pointedly ask how it's going, which I've never discouraged.  Those that haven't been that close I have kept in the dark longer, but some of my closer or longer lasting friends, or those who will think of and pray for me, I have told.  I need all the positive thoughts and prayers I can get right now!

One of my longest friends (also, one of my most fertile, she's gotten pregnant on every kind of birth control and finally had her tubes tied after the 3rd one) is super excited for me.  She even told other people and I was fine with that.  The other day we were chatting via FB chat and she ended the conversation by saying she knew I would be ok because God has a plan and I'm a good person.


It felt like a slap, not only for me but for all my infertile compatriots.  Suddenly I was less sure this was going well instead of more sure, all because she thinks that being a good person matters.  It couldn't matter less and it also doesn't matter how much I've 'been through', I see people who have been through more, who have been through things I'm not sure I could survive.  And actually I haven't said anything to her since, because I can't think of anything nice.  It was a natural end to the conversation and we'll start a new or different chat later and I won't say anything.

And I'm almost certain that's the right choice, because she's not really the type to think being a good person matters.  She's had horrible things happen to her, I'm sure she doesn't think it's because she wasn't 'good'.  She was only trying to find words to comfort me, to reassure me it would all be ok (a little ironic since I didn't need reassurance at that moment). 

Tonight I am taking my last estradiol pill - yay!  And I'm pretty sure I will tell work tomorrow about the triplet pregnancy so that they know.  It's more an insurance policy in case something happens, I don't want them to not believe me if I suddenly need time off.  After the MFM in a few weeks I will update them on what to expect from me for the remainder and possibly after. 

It's been hard not to have an ultrasound this week, but I don't need one for anything but peace of mind.  I can't wait until next week to see in there again!

1 comment:

  1. Yeah I can totally understand why you'd react to your friend in this way. Many people outside of the infertility world (and some people who have experienced infertility) don't know what to say and they'll say things that may sound right but not entirely true. I have a friend who has experienced infertility for four years. She always tells me to remain hopeful and as long as I still ovulate on my own, it'll happen. And I find that I don't really want to talk to her about it anymore because she says something similar every time I talk to her.

    I hope that you continue to get good news everytime you go to your ultrasound!