Monday, January 12, 2015

OB Check In

I'm sorry I don't update more frequently, I actually have several ideas of what to write about, but it's just been so busy.  Every night last week I was busy, and then we went to a playoff game on Saturday.  It took me all day Sunday to even slightly recover and today I still had a slight eye twitch, I assume from being exhausted and today's stress.

A few people at my OB check in could've used more gentle words with me.  I am so nervous when I go in that my blood pressure is raised, they took it twice (beginning and end).  I'm understandably nervous that it means something, I actually normally have average to low blood pressure.  I don't want the extra worries, and I know I should let it go, it's just hard since I was given a preeclampsia talk already. 

The nurse practitioner (NP) wanted me to have a quick ultrasound for a 'viability check', I'm ok with the ultrasound....I'd prefer she didn't call it that.  Then as I walked into the room I found that a doctor was going to do it.  I'm not sure why, the ultrasound tech was there 'assisting', but it was clear the doctor was not skilled or was using me as practice.  First she found baby A (I assume) and then she said the heartbeat was too fast.  I don't know what that would mean, but it doesn't sound good.  After a few minutes she confirmed that she took the heartbeat 3 times for baby A and all 3 were 'within range'.  Ok, great, really that's all I needed to know, right? 

Then she found another baby (B?) and there was shrill beeping.  She said 'that's not good' and I said 'What?!?' and then she said it was her beeper.  At this point I was just trying to breathe.  She left after measuring the heartbeat on the other two (who are also fine) and I told the ultrasound tech that I did not like having the doctor do it.  I prefer the techs, they know what they are doing and measuring and they are reassuring throughout (normally) because it's not their job to give you bad news.

Also, can I just admit now that I can't really look at the screen during my ultrasounds?  I am so terrified of the fact that I am having 3; that it's going well.  I wondered today why I'd been given this burden.  I would be scared of pregnancy regardless, but it's hard for me to focus on positivity when I'm being told so many things can go wrong.  I worry I'm too scared to pull this off, I want to do so many things better, stay calmer, eat more, feel less sick. 

I did tell the NP that I was relieved that reduction was not stressed at my last appointment there.  Then she came back in the room after my ultrasound and laughingly said that one of the doctors wanted to make sure I'd been offered it.  Here's the thing: because it wasn't stressed last time I felt that I could do this, that they thought I could do this.  If they start bringing it up I'm thinking the opposite.  Ugh. 

Overall it was positive, I got a flu shot and the NP was a very nice person.  I found out that the MFMs won't necessarily deliver, they may just let an OB on staff at the hospital deliver.  Not too big a fan of that, but there's not much I can do.

When I got in my car the song playing was 'Livin on a Prayer' and it was right on these lyrics:
Whoa, we're halfway there,
Whoa, livin on a prayer,
Take my hand and we'll make it, I swear
Whoa, living on a prayer

Of course, I promptly started crying.  We aren't quite halfway to viability, but almost (14 weeks on Wednesday) and I do feel like we're living on a prayer.  I'm going to have a good cry tonight and hope that I feel much better after a long sleep.


  1. ((hugs)) First of all, this worry is normal for one. So it's absolutely normal for triplets.

    Also? If you are 14 weeks on Wednesday, you are MORE than 1/2 way to viability, which is 24 weeks. I know a thriving 2 year old who was delivered at 24w5d and thriving twins that were 26w (and THEIR dad was a 26 weeker!). So you are more than halfway to viability!

  2. Thanks Wife! I was thinking 28 weeks since that's considered the best case premie, but you're right that I could be considered halfway there!