Saturday, February 7, 2015

Telling

*************TRIGGER WARNING: Bump pictures at bottom***********************
(there's no writing afterwards, so you can stop reading when you see the top of the picture)

The twist of infertility is that even when we get pregnant we are all terrified of telling anyone.  I wish I could've kept my pregnancy a secret (except from family, close friends and twitter, duh!) until I was 24 weeks.  I probably would've told my boss, but not all my other coworkers and extended friends and family. 

But even being 5'8" I have to spill the beans on my multiple pregnancy much earlier than I would've wanted.  Plus if I really end up needing to be off at 24 weeks it's not fair to not prep my workplace.  (My boss has offered work from home and I am totally interested in that eventually!)

When I've told people I've gotten some interesting responses:

Two people (one male, one female) told me about their own fertility struggles.  To me it was very sad, the woman told me how a friend once said 'well I never had a girl, so I understand how you feel not being able to have a child' and then shoved a lifelike baby doll (used for CPR) in her arms (they were at a display at the Fair, so it wasn't as weird as it sounds).  Ugh, I can't believe how many rude people there have been in this world.  For all those who are childless/childfree, she said it took her a long time, but she's at peace now.  The man told me how him and his wife tried in the 90s and she has/had endo, but the OB (!!) assured them that didn't have an affect on fertility.  I didn't really enlighten him, because I don't know that there's an upside to sharing how far treatments have come.  And I always feel bad when I run into older people who tried everything available to them.  I have so much more opportunity than they did, and even then not all of us will be able to successfully have a live baby (any way we want to do it: IVF, DE, adoption).

A couple friends have assured me about friends who had triplets successfully about 30-40 years ago.  Actually one set of triplets went to college with a 37 year old friend and were naturally conceived identical girls and a boy just like mine (well except for the 'natural' part)! It's very nice to hear that even without modern conveniences people have had triplets. 

A couple coworkers point blank asked if I did fertility treatments/IVF and I wasn't quite prepared for that.  Also, my DH's ex point blank asked and when I tried to dodge she asked again!  So my dodges are to acknowledge that I had 4 failed IVFs (but not necessarily acknowledging that this was a type of IVF at work, since I had just started there), or to say that there are only two eggs and one split (therefore making it seem more possible to have happened without treatment as fraternal twins are 'normal').  I am not ashamed of having to do IVF, and with the ex (after my DH confirmed he had told the kids about IVF) I opened up and said the issue was me and yes we had done IVF, but there wasn't really a chance of triplets. 

Of course the most common question: do identical twins or triplets run in your family?  There are actually twins in my family, but I honestly don't think there are twins in the donor's family.  The twins in my family were successfully birthed by my great-grandmother on mom's side and another around the late 1800s also in my mom's family.  This makes me hope that with modern treatment their great-granddaughter can birth giant triplets.

In these situations I try to remember that these questions are going to happen for their whole life, or maybe until they are teens and the boy looks older than his sisters, so having prepped answers helps.  I also try to remember I am an ambassador of beginning to end the stigma of infertility.  I am not open about donor eggs, part of this is that I have heard it's my babies' information now (not mine) and part is that my DH isn't as crazy about telling everybody as I am. 

A few coworkers have said I'm too calm about it, but they aren't with me when I am trying to sleep at night or worrying about contractions or trying to imagine what 3 babies are like in one house.  I mean, what are 3 babies like?  I assume a lot of crying and pooping and not sleeping.... ugh it's the sleep schedule that terrifies me.

Ok - so here's the proof that I had to move to maternity clothes at 12 weeks, and I've already switched out of my wedding rings, which makes me a little sad:

15w6d...definitely pregnant.
16weeks 5days

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